"No" Time

About a month ago, I received and email from Qantas detailing their latest bunch of Frequent Flyer promotions. Among them was a deal that included 2 points for every dollar you spend on your Optus mobile bill. As the prepaid mobile handset I was using at the time was in the process of falling to pieces and as I’d also been looking at upgrading to a plan for some time, this seemed like a good time to do it. I call the number in the email, and am put through to Optus’ sales department. The date is the 23rd of November.

After I have selected the contract and phone I would like, and I mention the promotion code I’ve been told to state in the email. “No worries,” the salesperson assures me, “We’ll sort that out for you.” I ask about having my bills debited from my bank account directly, as I don’t want to pay by credit card. “No worries,” the salesperson assures me, “We’ll sort that out for you.” Before the end of the call, I ask him again about the promotion, as he hasn’t actually taken any of my details and am reassured again. “Your mobile will come tomorrow.” When I hang up the phone, I am a little confused. If I want to be billed by direct debit, why haven’t they taken my bank details? If I want to sign up for the promotion, why haven’t they taken my frequent flyer number? I figure that I will have to fill out forms when I get the phone, but it seems like an unnecessary step that could be avoided by taking my details when they do the credit check over the phone. However, I decide to reserve judgement until I have examined the documents in the box.

Sometime early the following week, I find a note that has been shoved through the unused front-door mail slot and which has fallen underneath a table in the hall. The note specifies that I should call the delivery company to reschedule delivery. I call the delivery company and as I won’t be home, I reschedule and ask the company to deliver to the office in two days time. Two days later, the delivery driver fails to turn up, doesn’t leave a note, and doesn’t contact me. It is now more than a week since I ordered the phone. I try and call the delivery company again, but they operate on Eastern Standard Time hours and are closed by the time I finish work. Time to talk to Optus.

I go into an Optus World shop and ask for help. They say that they can’t help me and that there’s possibly a 10 day cool down period after which I may lose service to my phone. They suggest that I call sales from the store, and dial the number. I stay on hold for 35 minutes in the store before giving up in disgust. The following week I try to contact Optus again, this time from home to the sales number. I stay on hold for more than twenty minutes again, before spending a further twenty minutes browsing through the Optus website to find any contact directory or direct number I call a department that can help me. I give up on Optus and decide to try the delivery company again. I manage to get through to the local Perth office of the delivery company, and although they say they have no record of that tracking number, they assure me that they will check the warehouse and try and deliver it if possible, and take down both my home and work addresses. Progress.

Then I stubbornly call Optus again and, miraculously, I finally get through. The woman on the phone coolly tells me that the delivery company is 100% not allowed to redirect deliveries. It has to go through Optus, and through their migraine-inducing automated hold system. Apparently, I should have called Optus straight after it wasn’t delivered and definitely shouldn’t have called the number on the bright-orange piece of paper saying “please call this number to reschedule delivery.” Optus reschedule the delivery to Thursday, two weeks after I ordered the phone. They tell me that after I have got my phone I should call sales and ask for a discount for my inconvenience.

On Wednesday the delivery guy turns up at my office, an address I’d never given Optus. It seems that the delivery company have poked around out the back and found my package in the warehouse, and have gone out of their way to attempt and deliver it to both my house and then the office. Good job delivery company.

The phone comes with no forms to specify a direct debit account, and no mention of the Frequent Flyer promotion that was the whole reason I signed up online. How are they planning to bill me? I specifically requested that I did not want to pay by credit-card and would rather setup a direct debit account.

I need to call Optus again. Joy.

I call support, wait on hold again, and get through. My direct-debit account is specified and I’m told that this will become active next billing cycle. “So, how are you getting the money this billing cycle,” I ask. Direct debit will take effect in time. Good. Now for the Frequent Flyers. “Oh, you will need to call sales, here’s the number.” I call the number and get the same computerised voice, “Please state the nature of your enquiry.” “Sales.” “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite get that, please state the nature of your enquiry.” “Sales.” “Please select Mobile, Home Phone or Internet.” “Mobile.” “You have selected Mobile, what kind of Mobile query can I help you with.” “Sales!” “I’m sorry…”

Please scream now.

So what do I say? I want to add something to my account, right? Accounts? I ask for accounts and am transferred to a real person. He is utterly baffled. “Call sales,” he says. “How do I call sales?” I say. The pathway I have to take is apparently Mobile / New Accounts / and then ignore the computer until it gives you to a person. Never-mind that I already have an account. I finally get onto to Sales. They tell me that I needed to sign up for the promotion at the time of sale. I tell them that I tried to do that, and quoted the code twice, and that the sales person never took my details. The say that maybe these things take a while to process and it hasn’t shown up yet. I tell them I have never given them my Frequent Flyer details and therefore it’s not possible that it has been processed. Or is in the process of processing, or was ever processed, for that matter.

I was told that the original sales person will call me back at their earliest convenience. The following Monday was given. It is now Wednesday and I have received no call or follow-up. The saga continues.

Posted in Rant on Wednesday December 13, 2006.